I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
