I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
