She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
