Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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