**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
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