Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
