My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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