defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
