Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
