using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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