i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
