i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
