i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just found puke in my bra..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
