omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
