hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
