My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
