he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
