Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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