sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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