2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
