I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
