I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
