three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
