Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
