What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
