Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
