Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
