too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
