That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
