hotel room ftw
He had one of those small greek statue penises
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I AM VODKA MAN
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
