I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
