no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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