Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
