i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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