If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
