Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
