You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
