know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
