so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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