I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
