Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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