I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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