Cold hands, warm shart.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
