Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
