Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
