It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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