I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
