I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
