I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
