I'm drive I can fine osifer
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
