they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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