I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
