I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
