I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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