hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
