SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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