the condom got lost in my hair
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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